CARAMEL APPLE CHEESE BARS

It's a very exciting day because a new recipe popped up on my FEED that looked just right for blog post #2. (the 'feed' pun was unintentional but appropriate so I left it in).

You may be asking yourself with excitement."What have we today?!"  Take a second and think of delicious creaminess, with tart apples, sweet, crispy crust.. mmmmm...


I give to you CARAMEL APPLE CHEESE BARS!

They KIND OF look delicious. But I'm going to to break down the evilness of this little square of awesomeness.

Ingredient List:

Crispy, sweet Crust:
2 cups all-purpose flour - 797 Calories
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar - 200 calories (it was hard to find an entry that was documented for anything over a tsp of brown sugar)
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened - Who are we kidding.. no reason to use the light stuff here. We're talking real, salted butter - coming in at 1,620 calories. (Paula Deens Butter Radar must be flashing)


Cream Appley Cheesecake Filling:
3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened, again.. might as well go full fat... suck it 1/3 fat cream cheese! Fat Free?? Never heard of you! 2,370 calories of cream cheesiness
3/4 cup sugar, plus 2 tablespoons, divided - of course we need sugar and the 578 empty calories it brings with it to the party. 
3 large eggs - 210 calories, go ahead and throw in the yolks 
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract - 18 calories
3 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and finely chopped - Apples are healthy right? 390 calories, 102 carbohydrates
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon - omitted because at this point what do cinnamon and nutmeg bring to the table other than flavor?
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg - cinnamon's tasty cousin

I'm not good at math so I will spare you from adding up the above. Let's let My Fitness Pal do the heavy lifting.

I feel wrong just having this as a 'recipe' in my profile. I'm almost tempted to make another profile on MFP for these to reside.

You'd have to run almost 7 miles to burn off just one of these babies. No thanks!

Maybe Chobani can make a Caramel Apple Cheesecake fat free Greek yogurt for me..